Lean on Me!

This week I am all alone in my apartment due to my roommate being gone for a conference. Though we don't see all that much of each other when we are both here, I really miss her. Living by one's self is not fun at all.

I have gotten through yet another week of classes. Whew! It really isn't that bad yet, but I felt strained this week trying to focus on homework and school in general. My heart longed to be elsewhere. Like relaxing on a warm beach, having a dinner date with a good friend, or even just to veg. Ummm, let me remind myself, the time to do all of that ended a couple weeks ago, and the possibility of a warm beach isn't on the horizon until August!

As I sit in my apartment, "all alone", it gives me ample opportunity to evaluate my time and what i do with it. This week as I looked at what I don't want to do, did I complain? Unfortunately, yes. Did I seek God's strength? A little. Not half as much I would have liked to be able to say. "Lean on Me!" He says. "But it's so nice swimming in this mess around me!" I retort. It's almost as if I can see His light shining through the clouds, but I choose to keep my focus on the clouds. Am I afraid of being blinded by His love for me? Are you? I really want to watch Him move those clouds; use those clouds. My problem is letting go of those "tangibles". His love will stop being intangible to us if we would only let Him in.

Now, not Later

This week my eyes have been open to how little I actually open my Bible to read it. How often I put it off and rationalize it with reading about God from a different source or listening to someone else. I want to change this. If you're reading this, please pray for me! Accountability partners are needed and welcome.

The other night I found out that communication with my guy friend is going to be even more limited if not non-existent for at least a little while. I'm hoping it's not going to be like this for the next 7 months that we're in school! It's frustrating when we haven't been talking all that much at all up til this new development. How are you supposed to keep in contact with a friend if you aren't able to communicate with them?

This turn of events seems ironic considering how much I was missing this friend all of last week. I'm trusting God in how everything is going to turn out, but I'm not going to deny that it's hard. All I can do right now is keep pouring myself into my responsiblities and focusing on my Saviour. And praying for guidance and strength to handle these trials my friends and I are facing.

Lord, I Give You Me

I love my friends. SO much. They are such blessings and I thank God every day for them. While reveling in those thoughts it can be easy for me to start thinking subconsciously that their lives should go certain directions so as to fit mine like I would like. haha That's usually what does NOT happen. Not to say that we don't have opportunities to have conversation or go places together; it's usually just not as frequent or as physically close as I would prefer. Like I've said before, God seems to be showing me how much I really need to be relying on Him versus people and things in my life. Why is it so hard to hand over the reigns to Him? Let Him be my GPS voice and His Word be my map?

This month I've been reading "Loving God with all Your Mind" by Elizabeth George. It touches on taking your thoughts captive and giving your past, present, and future to the Lord. If you consider what it would literally mean to take your thoughts captive, what do you picture? Would your life look different? Would you be so consumed with homework, relationships, or financial stresses? He says, "come unto me, all you who are weary and heavy laden and I WILL GIVE YOU REST." (Matthew 11:28) Seriously, why do I cling so closely to my worries? My God will take care of me and knows my desires. A song that I would like to see reflected in my life (I've heard by Go Fish; written by Tony Sutherland) says this:

Lord I give you me.

I give you my all.

I hold nothing back.

I'm answering your call.

Though I live or die, your glory is my life.

I give you everything.

Lord I give you me.

Lord I give you me.

Lord I give you me.

It may not look like much.

I know that I need change,

I know I need your touch.

Take me as I am,

Place me in Your plan.

That's where I want to be.

Lord I give you me.

Lord with every breath,

I'll worship You in life,

I'll worship You in death.

I lay down my heart.

It's all I have to give,

As long as I may live.

Lord I give You me....

You sent Your son to save me,

and I believe it's true.

And now this life You gave me,

I give it back to You.

God and Guys

Last night I got to talk to a dear friend, and the topic of relationships and dating came up. (Not hard to do when one or both of you likes a certain guy...) We questioned how much one should allow his/herself to be focused on that person. I personally feel that the best relationship is going to be grounded in a mutual desire to grow in Christ and encourage each other in that journey. This focus/desire for a guy or girl should enhance your love for the Lord, rather than inhibit it. They may become the one person you want to spend time with, but at the same time you shouldn't be putting God on the back burner, so to speak. He should be the guiding force in what direction and growth your friendship takes.

What I really want to know right now is why I have feelings for a guy at this time in my life. He's temporarily unavailable, and I am busy with school. My focus needs to be on the Lord! Maybe I'm doing better with that focus than I currently feel, but if so, it does not make sense why God would put such a guy in my life and then say "you need to wait". It's not invalidating my attraction for this guy, but instead showing me my continued need to better trust in God and His timing. It should be so simple. I make it so complicated.

An Introduction...

Hello! I am a simple girl seeking to know and follow my Savior with all of my heart. This blog stems from a new year's "resolution" to more effectively recognize teachings and revelations throughout the year. Perhaps by blogging about them I may be more encouraged to document them.

So. Complex Simplicity? I chose that name because it reflects how I see my relationship with Christ and His love for me. All He asks is to believe and follow Him. So simple. It's also complex because of my human desires and straying from that simple path. As the year progresses I want to see those two extremes draw closer together and not have such a chasm between my dreams and what God's desire is for me.